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time;10:54 PM
yay!! im finalli online! ahhaha hai com crashed. now using dad's laptop. cos itz a fri nite! n i buay tahan rotting awae. so asked to borrow his laptop.
congrats to kaiming!!!!! ahhaha damn zai. national crosscountry champ for b div! sec 3 onli lor. got the c div champ last yr. 4.5 km in 15.41min. he realli deserves it la. trained realli hard.
anw i was supp to go support him at turf city on wed. but in the end i was v guai so i stayed for math remedial. n the math tchr was damn funny!! hahhaa it wasnt mrs chan. ya went thru differentiation. n the way she uh explained was damn funny n crap la. haha.
oh ya tues. had tennis! damn fun. played the real game doubles. yayy was wif carmen. n we won all games except for one n won all matches. carmen n lynette r pro!! like they kept rallying like siao n summore itz volley rally from 1 diagonal end of the court to the other. sinyu is gd too. badminton de. carmen table tennis de. haha racquet games players r better at it i guess.
thurs. mass dance we had body combat! haha ya it was v fun. the instructor v v funny but uh quite gay. anw itz juz gd tt we're finalli having sth different. ya instead of chen lao shi every week. ya but body combat is only for 2 weeks.
went for b div bball finals straight aft tt. it was v exciting. ny against anglican high. they r much stronger than us we hafta admit. but we put on a realli gd fight. we cheered like siao la. but den sumtimes the councillors asked us to cheer at crucial moments which were quite inappropriate. ya we lost la. by quite a lot. 20+ points. anw congrats to cat high! they got champ, beating unity sec 59-50.
i onli watched our sch's match.. n 15 min of the boys' match.. den went to katong frm tpy. hahah. finalli got the jian! den went back to tpy stadium. bleah but the match ended le haha. nvm.
todae.. went for RI's philosophy forum. v v fun haha. itz like we watched this french movie "he loves me, he loves me not". ya v short 2 parts onli. den dicussed abt perception n perspectives. v v interesting. den like uh talk until v luan n ji dong. they tok until like tt i v gek.. felt like juz saying "aiya wdv la." haha but din say la. den got lost. n tong was beside me.. n she suddenly told [...]
[continued on 16.04.2005]
ok im doing this for the 3rd time! argh.
[...] me, "he looks like james lye". ya haha she was referring to the teacher. so off topic lor. anw the whole thing was v v meaningful.
den me n tong walked to j8. i was on the fone. den there was this RI guy walking in front of us. den there was a big puddle of water. n the guy juz took a stride n walked over it like nothing. n i was like o.O so i said, "wah my legs not so long lor" as i was walking over it la. haha but i got over it. n tong was like .... cos she had to walk round the puddle to get over.
den we walked arnd n sat arnd at j8. den i went khatib n sat arnd. den went to kelvin's house to pass him the jian. erm n ended up talking to his mom for 45min. so ok.. den went home aft tt.
on the mrt.. i was stoning la. so i was juz stoning in the direction straight ahead. n it was this guy who's not shuai or anything sitting opposite la. den he oso like sian sian. so in the end got staring incident. hahaha den damn funny. he closed his eyes n fell asleep immediately cos he suddenly almost totalli leant against the shoulder of this guy. it was v v funny. i was v amused. wanted to burst out laughing. but gek until v xin ku.
den aft tt i was v glad to noe tt kelvin likes the jian. so yay. n stop crying la! ya anw he went for another haircut! hahhaha
this morning.. went out wif my sis early in the morning to meet kelvin at 9 at novena to go see chi doc. hahha kelvin spiked his hair! yay! v funny la hahha. looked exploded. but it made him look taller. but not bad anw. den aft tt both complained tt the doc sux. ya v sian waited for 2 hrs. my sis din feel any difference in her ankle. n kelvin felt worse. like ouch. the doc twisted his back at the torso.. n cld hear the cracks v loudly. oww la. sharp pain. twice summore. so now itz worse.
den went to fish n co. at novena to eat aft tt cos my sis kept saying she wanna go. in the end my sis kept giving us her baked salmon cos she was full n she said not nice. so ok.. we had to help her eat haha.
aft tt was recapping the bio stuff tt i studied b4 at kelvin's house. ended up falling asleep for v long.
it was onli todae tt i told my sis abt er wad was going on btwn us.. cos she realli thot tt it was weird la cos she din understand. so i had to tell her. n she doesn understand y im doing so much. n she doesn understand y i even wanna be friends. n she said if it was her she wldnt even go on a vegetarian diet for someone else unless itz a life n death thing. er all i told her was im not her. n she said im weird! den she told me tt got once at dinner i was sleeping.. den my bro told her tt im weird. haiya y like tt. nvm la ya ive been weird recently mah
hmm den i was thinking y m i doing so much.. it juz cums frm within me leh. like erm li2 suo3 dang1 ran2. duno y la. tong noes. got a few times in the past i put in a lot.. but nothing was appreciated. i wondered whether im too nice or itz juz tt ppl r unappreciative. hai. but nvm im still ok wif it lo as long as i want to.
today. it was weird n awkward i guess. so strange. so faraway. i wasnt happy at times todae. but i guess the stress to talk n the strain arent there anymore. n the friendship is juz erm.. there i guess. forced out or not. i dont know. haiya i realli dunno la. but todae turned out well ba.
thanks to everyone out there who've been helping me all along. im pulling through already i guess.
to kelvin, jh n ainan.. jia you for wushu nats (=
yeahh tts it. damn long la. to think i typed it thrice. ok not everything actualli. so yay i finished.
the storm had ended. we'll see the rainbow.
time;10:14 PM
time;9:03 PM
the bus broke down aft like 1 stop in the morning. hahaha. ya so had to wait for the nxt 1. still ok la reached at 7.25. chem was bad! electrolysis. at 1st i was trying to read my ss tb.. but huiyi kena caught i think. even though she was at the back. so ya i decided not to read. n i was like realli stoning la! hahaha kx oso. she was doodling on her paper as usual.. stoning n dozing off.
haha it was v funny. kx was scratching here n there n everywhere in the morning cos of mosquito bites. den dunno y i oso started scratching.. even though like no bites. haha. ya i think both kx n janet kena but i din leh. obs oso like tt. no mosquito bites. hah.
ss test was bad i wld say. juz hoping for a pass. haha mayb not. passed 1 out of 3 tests onli so far.
eng was damn funny. haha was supp to do eng convo prac la. den hiu tung was the 1st. pro sia.. debator.. hers was sth on life in other planets or sth. den at 1st she started. said quite a bit.. den she was like, "WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?!" haha ya. den ok went on v well.. damn fast n fluent.. den she suddenly stopped n "erm hur hur hur". haha ya damn funny. den she tok until damn excited n fast la. we cldnt even register wad she was saying. pro is pro la. den she tok n tok den suddenly she said, "ladies n gentlemen". hahhaha ya debating realli got into her. v v funny. ya her thoughts r super fast n organised.
aft sch i was realli damn tired la. anw mayb im having low blood pressure like janet. get dizzy when i stand up. ya n i juz went home straight awae. the weather was damn nice. raining when i was on the bus. but when i got off it was onli a drizzle. i was still thinking of strolling or sitting down in the rain. haiya. but the drizzle was nice even though i dun usualli like drizzles. it was a nice n cool drizzle.. not the hot humid weird kind. n the weatehr was realli chilly. den i went to sleep.
hmm hafnt heard of the results of our chinese dance syf yet.. shd haf gone v well. oh n our bball team won their match 73-72! so damn close la. yay. into the finals! n to cat high bball team too. got into finals too. haha won by 2 pts in the additional 5 min.
anw my cough is realli bad. runny nose too. bleah nvm. n my vegetarian diet is going well. so yay.
time;8:34 PM
anw ytd morning. weird la. was woken up by an sms at 6+. ya even though i bathed at 12+ am n slept at 1+. n i was nice k. helped arnd. bathed for my cat. ya my bro insists tt we bathe for her every wk. like harlo my cat's not a dog. ya but did it anw. den was doing random stuff online. haha den i saw tt the carpet of the staircase is dirty. so i enthu-ly swept it twice.
then The part came. er. now i guess my mind's clearer already. my point was to go massage actualli. n talk haha. but ended up stoning. den listening. n crying wif 35 sheets of tissue paper. nth much was going thru my mind. juz sum random memories flashing thru. i kept quiet thruout. cos im weak. i felt tt nth else mattered already. n there wasnt anything much tt i cld do. so i swallowed my piece. nothing else cld go thru my head too. wasnt thinking. so i cldnt speak.
er ya n the meditating did realli help. oh ya the crying took an hour. haha. den i started laughing. i duno y. mayb cos i was thinking abt janet's joke. erm ya. weird. anw sorry to u. shdnt haf shouted "F*** HER LA" in ur face. u dun deserve it but she deserves it btw. realli she does.
for the rest of the day i was juz erm blanked out. emotionally blank. juz felt like a blank sheet of crumpled paper. not tt blank la had random thoughts n feelings at times.
it was peaceful. it was nice. mayb cos it was the last time ever. nothing realli felt different. juz the reality of tt clear line.
i need time. lots of it. i nv wanted this to happen. never. i feel.. abadoned. i juz wished time cld b reversed.
if u did it for me n if itz gd for u too den im fine with it. yeah n since uveput 3 weeks of thought into this n came wif this decision, then fine la. ive done so much, but i dun ask for anything much in return. maybe juz for ur well-being.
i conclude tt im gd as massaging. ok nvm this is too random.
hmm yeah gtg soon. n itz like shit la. ytd nite when i was falling asleep den i realised todae got ss test. ya onli rmbed it ytd nite. erm ya n i hafnt started studying. hafta pia on the bus.
n i hafnt done geog assignment. n lit assignment is super late. n chi compo is half done. n still got a few math assignments. haiya pia todae ba haha. at least the compo n math.
im going vegetarian! erm for u yea. yeahh 7 days. todae's the 2nd. but im gonna do it for as long as i can. i dun mind la. i cant taste my food anw. cough n runny nose. n i dun haf any appetite for food at all la.
kk i gtg ha b4 i miss the bus.
i will get thru this. i will. cos there's nothing else i can do erm yeah? ya.
oh btw!! im sorry trees!!! (for using so much tissue paper =( i'll recycle more *nods)
time;5:21 AM
it was realli weird anw. i was crying like siao. den started meditating. felt much better. but it seemed so fake cos i was juz thinking of dreamy faraway stuff to make myself feel better. ya but tts the way it is in yoga meditation. plus i was praying. so ya. den aft tt.. i juz started laughing. i dunno la. i felt ok once in a while. now i realli haf no idea.
guess im realli unstable now la. im feeling how i felt exactly half a year ago. but worse. cos this time i realli realli tried hard. nothing is working out. no words could come out of my mouth. i could say it actualli. but when u started talking abt all those. i felt tt nothing else mattered n there was no point in saying anything else.
for now i juz hafta get things right n straight n get on with life.
thinking abt her irks me. fuck you la chu ting.
time;9:21 PM